I know that it has been a LOONNNNGGG time coming, but unfortunately life sometimes gets in the way of what we love to do. Yet when life throws you pitfalls sometimes you have to resuscitate your goals life and ambitions to come back stronger than EVER!! In the midst of the trials I had to come to terms with a lot and give myself and you lovely ladies some mantras to get us through some of the situations we face.. ‘Cause baby trust me we go through it all and whether or not we show those emotions to the world we still have to PUSH THROUGH and SLAY THROUGH IT ALL!! Right?
As young or mature brown girls it’s important to have this go to Bible so to speak that brings everything into perspective… I created it for myself, but what kind of love would I show if I didn’t share it with you…
I call it my:
Brown Girl’s 10 Commandments- The Guide to Making it Through
1. Thou shall love, honor, and respect yourself. As brown girls, at times we are going to lose sight over what’s important about ourselves, we are going to allow certain things to slide, not speak up for ourselves possibly out of fear, pain or whatever the case may be. However, in any case as Mama Rose always says “you have to love yourself or nobody will”. And that’s real honey.. Love yourself enough to take care of your physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual well-being. Take that time out to nurture your talents, take care of your health, love and honor your body, and give yourself due respect to accept NOTHING less than you deserve.
2. Thou shall never stress over inconsistent guys. Let’s have a moment of silence for this one *** Because let me tell you I had to find this out ‘the hardaway’. If there are inconsistencies and you continuously have to reiterate and explain why things he does hurts your feelings, please do yourself the favor and exit left ASAP! Granted there are some that learn their lesson and step up, but if your gut is telling you that something isn’t right.. it ain’t right sus!! Love never returns to you void- Remember that!!! There are guys groomed to be gentlemen, be respectful, consistently understand you and your needs, and willing to adapt and grow with you. Now there are some of those guys that just don’t know how and you have to guide them, but if he knows… and he blatantly disregards you and your heart do like Keyshia Cole said LET IT GO!!! Don’t stress over it. It’s not worth the headache and the heartache in the end. It will only diminish your happiness. You have to be in control of your heart and know when it’s time to stay or go.
3. Thou shall be confident, yet humble. Be confident in your abilities and what you bring to the table, but don’t let your growth and knowledge in knowing these assets that you have cause you to lose sight of who you are and where you come from. Whether you come from humble beginnings, middle or upper class families all of us are going to start from the bottom to get where you want in life whether with nothing or not knowing much of anything. And once you progress, don’t lose sight of that inner brown girl who wanted it all but only had the dream, vision and tenacity to get there. Those who are humble get much further in life, but it also allows you to appreciate everything you receive through your own efforts.
4. Thou shall always remain classy. In this life, you will see the trends changing like the way this crazy weather seems to always change it’s mind. But while these things of society change what is the norm, be determined to carry yourself with class in all facets- in dress, in speech, and your demeanor. They can say anything they want about Coretta Scott King or even Michelle Obama, but what they cannot take from them is the class and regality of those two women. Your class can give you a reputation better than any opinion of you. Dignify yourself in a way that they can’t disrespect you because you stand true to who you are no matter who ‘they’ may be.
5. Thou shall not sweat the small stuff. This one I had to learn over and over again even at the point in life where I am now. Don’t allow any and everything take you out of your element. You can be heated in the moment, but as my baby sis always said when she was younger, “and this too shall pass”. A great friend of mine helped me to realize that if five years from now that situation won’t matter, make or break you, don’t let it claim your happiness.
6. Thou shall always recognize and love your beauty. As brown girls, our beauty comes in different sizes, shapes, hues etc. Accept the outer and inner beauty of yourself. Don’t let others make you feel less than, inferior or anything of the sort based on your complexion, petite or BBW. We weren’t meant to all be exactly the same. Embrace the variances and depths of our brownness.. Love the tootie booties, the itty bitty committee, the voluptuous curves, the lightest or the darkest extent our melanin has given you. It’s rightfully yours and you can choose to love it or choose to let society make you think it shouldn’t be loved. Love the skin that you are in once you know exactly who she is, what she is capable and she can shine in her beauty no matter what!
7. Thou shall always love and support the sisterhood. As brown girls, it’s somehow become this idea that hating on the next sister makes you look better or makes you have one up on the next. It DOESN’T! Mama Rose always instilled in us that ‘dimming someone else’s light doesn’t help yours to shine any brighter’- it just does to yours what you intended to do to the other person DIM IT. The time to celebrate each other and recognize that one of our sista’s winning is a win for us all!! We are not in competition with each other, if anything we are the team. No need to be hateful. If we don’t celebrate each other and not demean or degrade each other we set the tone for how men and other hues can disrespect us all the same. Never give that kind of power to anyone so it must start with US!! Love is the anecdote.
8. Thou shall protect your circle. When I tell you I have lost a many of friends in the last ten years!! Baby let me tell you. People I thought would forever hold me down, those that I was a real friend to, a sister, a ride or die, day or night I was there ten toes down, but when I was no longer a benefit or having hard times that I just needed to be to myself I was dropped like I meant nothing, had no feelings, and made me feel disposable.. HONEST TRUTH it hurt like a you know what.. But I took that lesson as my blessing. Most importantly it helped me know who of my friends and family was solid, dependable to a fault, would correct me when need be and support me through everything. And for this set of people, I cherish them and I now know what the realest of people in my life look like. Life will have a funny way of waking you up to what you need, who you need and deciphering who will always be. Pay attention to the signs early. You will know who are meant to have that title of a friend and who should only remain simply an associate.
9. Thou shall always maintain your hustle. Always and I mean ALWAYS stay on your grind!! Keep pushing and motivating yourself to make things happen. Goal dig the heck out of life!!! Go for that major/ degree even if it means you have to work full or part- time to get it. Life is not meant for you to remain stagnant or mediocre with yourself. The hustle no matter the extent builds character and the character defines the essence of YOU.
10. Thou shall keep educating yourself. One thing I heard as a child is that ‘the more you know the more you grow’. And that’s such a true mantra to hold onto. Keep growing in knowledge because that is one thing that can never be taken away from you. It leads to gaining wisdom and discernment on many things in life, broadens your horizons, keeps you from limiting yourself and the possibilities that can be ahead for you. Be well versed in many topics and you can be able to function as a key player and chameleon in various places in life.
*** thou shall always be determined to be better than who you were yesterday.***
—- you should only be in competition with yourself to learn, grow, and prosper into the strong brown woman you are meant to become!
Hope these words of wisdom get you through like they did me.. Gets me out of humps when things just seem to be fading from focus.